I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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