Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
