he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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