I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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