i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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