We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
