can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I could make wine with my vomit
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
