I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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