Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize