The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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