How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
