Swine flu is the new snow day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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