I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
