imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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