remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
