My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
