i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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