just come out here and I will go home with you...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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