4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
