you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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