I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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