a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
