I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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