OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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