doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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