he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I could fuck to npr.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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