I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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