i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I did not marry a roomba.
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