respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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