Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
