cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
