Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
