Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
