The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
