I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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