My underwear smells like fireworks.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
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as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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