he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
