I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
