Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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