I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
