Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think i have herpe
just one?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
