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Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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