Will you blow on my dice?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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