she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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