do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
