Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
