You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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