I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
