im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
