how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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