She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ttyl tear gas
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
