ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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