God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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