I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
