im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
