I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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