my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
