I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Your tits are I can't wait for
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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