so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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