Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
