SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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