I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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