whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
