Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
