now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
